Have you ever had someone harass you to the point where you find any excuse to avoid them? I'll bet that you think that I have, well, you'd be wrong. I have found myself feeling that way lately. I want so much to bring people back into my life that meant so much to me during times of crisis and loss, but I'm beginning to think that maybe I should just let them be. Maybe I don't fit in their world anymore. I am a firm believer that if you want something bad enough then go for it, but I get the feeling that some people wish that I would just go away. Now, for me this is not a new feeling, it has been with me my whole life. Ok, maybe not my whole life, just since my mom died, 13 1/2 years ago for anyone counting.
I consider myself to be a good judge of character and I have learned how to make friends, but with all of the moving that I have done in my life, I guess I missed the class on how to keep them. It seems like the harder I try the more they pull away. What am I doing wrong? Should I just stop? I really don't know anymore. I know that I should be grateful to have a loving and devoted husband, some women don't, and a wonderful little girl who loves me and wants to do everything with me, but I would like to have a real friend. Someone that I can laugh with, and cry with, someone that I can shoot the breeze with and bitch about things (our husbands, kids, the weather, whatever) with. I have wanted that for what seems like forever. Will I ever have that, probably not, but as always I'll deal and move on. I can always complain here, right?
On a much more positive note, I spent the day with my honey baby (Sierra-Lynn) :). We went for a walk, a short walk it was only 40 degrees and I don't want her to get sick. We played an ABC game, watched "Hannah Montana" and "Horseland", and played a game of "Monopoly junior". I got beat like a red headed step child, but that doesn't surprise me, Sierra-Lynn always beats me. I don't cheat for her and she wins every time. She was so tired that she actually took a nap, so I got Christmas cards ready to go out and worked on some presents. I'm making SM and her cousin Hannah quilts for Christmas with their initials and the digits of their birthdays on them. I hope that they like them. I'll leave you tonight with a photo of some other items that I have made and a website for more information on BJB Style.
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